THE PERFECT GIF SET HAS ARRIVED
This is surprisingly accurate.
TUMBLR AFTER DARK
shy and horny are probably the worse personality combo there is
if anyone ever breaks your heart just remember they are only human and you can break their body
You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.
And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.
And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.
And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.
Aaron Freeman “You Want A Physicist To Speak at your Funeral”
“We who mourn continue the heat of our own lives”. Damn.
has it ever occurred to you that people actually work in dildo factories for a living
So homosexuality is a sin but high heeled sneakers aren’t
REASONS TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE
- IT MAKES PEOPLE FEEL GOOD
- IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
- ITS NICE
- YOU ARE A PLEASANT AND COOL PERSON
- BEING MEAN IS MEAN
- THERES NO REASON TO BE RUDE AND HATEFUL WHEN WE’RE ALL JUST PEOPLE LIVING ON THE SAME PLANET AND TRYING TO GET THROUGH OUR LIVES AND ENJOY THE TIME WE HAVE
bisexual guys are assumed to be secretly gay
bisexual girls are assumed to be secretly straight
both are assumed to secretly like men
see what i’m getting at?
Don’t forget that gay men are gay because they lacked a “strong male figure”. And lesbians either haven’t found the right man or are gay because of a guy.
do you ever have imaginary/potential conversations with people in your head but then catch yourself accidentally mouthing the words out or making faces that would go along with your reactions in the conversation
*clinks glass* i’d like to make a toast. *puts bread in toaster*